Couldn't resist sharing
New HR Policy, Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Leave:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the
doctor, you are able to come to work.
Casual leave:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After
your second offense, your picture will be posted
on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic
Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in
the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balanced meal to maintain their average
figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-
Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We
are here to provide a positive employment
experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should
be directed elsewhere.
The HR
New HR Policy, Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Leave:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the
doctor, you are able to come to work.
Casual leave:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After
your second offense, your picture will be posted
on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic
Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in
the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balanced meal to maintain their average
figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-
Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We
are here to provide a positive employment
experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should
be directed elsewhere.
The HR
0 comments:
Post a Comment